Can't catch a break

Lately it seems that I can't catch a break. The 5th "we have moved on with the hiring process" e-mail came in this morning. Got turned down again. Am I doing something wrong? Am I being blackballed somehow? I can't improve myself if nobody tells me whats undesirable about me.

I don't want to live on someone elses dime, especially the Goverment's. I want to live on my own. I want to be successful. I want a wife and a few kids. Now i cant even get a job washing dishes.

So much time wasted. Now i'm running out of it.

Im writing here because i know nobody is going to see it.

I don't know what to do. Since my stroke nothing has been the same. Head hurts all the time, no energy at all, leg hurts too, i feel like i'm about to have a heart attack all the time.

I want to ask for help, but I also know that noone can help me right now.

I'm supposed to be strong, supposed to be smart and capable. But, its all i can do to just write this down.

I miss my family. Mom and Dad would know what to do. I hope they have found peace, because i won't. the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my brother. I can't leave him alone. he wouldn't understand.

Be careful what you wish for, kids. You might just get it. I wanted to be alone, Now i am.