Can't catch a break

Lately it seems that I can't catch a break. The 5th "we have moved on with the hiring process" e-mail came in this morning. Got turned down again. Am I doing something wrong? Am I being blackballed somehow? I can't improve myself if nobody tells me whats undesirable about me.

I don't want to live on someone elses dime, especially the Goverment's. I want to live on my own. I want to be successful. I want a wife and a few kids. Now i cant even get a job washing dishes.

So much time wasted. Now i'm running out of it.

Im writing here because i know nobody is going to see it.

I don't know what to do. Since my stroke nothing has been the same. Head hurts all the time, no energy at all, leg hurts too, i feel like i'm about to have a heart attack all the time.

I want to ask for help, but I also know that noone can help me right now.

I'm supposed to be strong, supposed to be smart and capable. But, its all i can do to just write this down.

I miss my family. Mom and Dad would know what to do. I hope they have found peace, because i won't. the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my brother. I can't leave him alone. he wouldn't understand.

Be careful what you wish for, kids. You might just get it. I wanted to be alone, Now i am.

Update

Haven't updated in a while. My mother is dying, my dad is too. Life really sucks right now.

But I can't wait for Mass Effect 3!!!

KABOOM, BABY.

Well folks I got my ass handed to me in Starcraft.... again.(Damn Koreans!) But I'm getting better!.NO ONE PLAYS THE DAMN GAME ANYMORE. It's all turret defense or some other use map settings game now.

I'm going back to shooters for a while. Maybe Halo: CE, or TFC.

In other news I recently saved up enough money to buy a new computer! I even might buy Starcraft 2 A game I can win at!!! if any of you have any recommendations I would appreciate them. 

Also, thanks for all the comments on my attempt at art:

 This picture is beautiful in its utter disregard to tastefulness. I love it! 

I was trying to capture how i felt when i had my heartburn, but thanks!

Holy Crap 30 followers!

This is Amazing. I never thought that I would have 30 followers. In thanks I drew you all a picture:

 Its a picture of a guy getting shot in the chest with a canon. I know, I know - It sucks on many, many levels.



Also, Im sorry that I haven't been updating. been busy with work. 

I love Team Fortress! I've been playing since it was a mod of Quake. But what I love more is the people That just Rage so much at it. Take this guy for example:

there's this thing called Alternative Art. It's pretty much cool ass versions of various fandom. 

I have more somewhere. I just have to look.